Implications.

I have typed at probably 5 posts on here that I have canceled and never posted.

Inner dialogue: “Try not to be an open book Rachel. There will never be anything interesting to talk about if people already know.”

I want it to be warm so I can lay on the beach. But I know that means my boy is gone. I am so mentally unprepared for this and I think it’s hit us both the past 2 days. I’m scared and I feel like I’m expecting us to break up because the distance will be too hard. But, at the same time, I refuse not to give it my best shot and I know he’s never not given his best shot to anything. He doesn’t give up and he is the most persistant person I’ve ever known. I’ve never been so proud to be with someone, never felt so adored in my life and have never admired someone the way I admire everything about him. I just want to be done with school and follow him wherever he goes. I would fall head over heels for the guy leaving town. That’s just my luck. 

It’s January 13th. Just over a month left.

I love him and I haven’t told him yet.

When things in my life were bad I had so much to say about it. Now that things are beyond good I can’t think of a single thing to say besides everything’s great and I adore the boy I am finally with.

Funny to think I stood in the study of Matts house looking at his sisters wedding pictures and literally said, “your brother is who I need to end up with.” It actually happened and I was beyond kidding when I said it. Who would have thought a month later I’d have a conversation with Matthew over the phone and him say “Your last name is going to be Graham.” I wouldn’t go that far already.. but a girl and her gay best friend can dream right?